According to Webster’s Dictionary, Nagging can be defined as “to irritate by constant scolding or urging.” It is essential to understand that Nagging can be more than just irritating; it may reflect a much deeper problem. Although people believe that Nagging is just a way to get things done, pleading/complaining wouldn’t be effective and hinders the relationship with other individuals.

In my nearly two decades as a Marriage and Family Counsellor, Nagging has been one of the significant issues couples reported to me during their Relationship and Family Counselling sessions. Have you ever wondered why people Nag? Have you ever tried to understand what could be the reason behind their behaviour? Why do we say that our parents or our partners nag? Research says that women nag more than men, and if teams don’t try to understand the root cause of Nagging, then chances are that it can lead towards Divorce.

People need to understand that “Nagging” is considered not just by words but also by the tone of voice and body language. The receiver’s attitude often plays an essential role in how the message is perceived. So, most people who nag constantly feel un-empowered to pour their feelings or convey a message. They think that the respective others do not listen to them and do not take them seriously. The sole reason naggers repeat one thing repeatedly is that they develop a vicious cycle. When they feel unheard, they tend to put across the same point frequently so that people will listen and take action accordingly. This can lead to more excellent resistance and irritation on the receiver’s part.

Nagging can be viewed like any other type of behaviour; since our childhood, there have been various behaviours that people have developed and adopted. Just like any other behaviour, the nagger’s behaviour can also be unlearned. It is also very much possible when a child feels hushed to say the same thing or repeat to get the parent’s attention. Still, it is imperative to first look for the reinforcers of such conduct or ways other behaviour can be reinforced.

The personality characteristics of the nagger can be considered to be well-organized, controlling and anxious to some extent. More often, people find themselves in a tug of war because the personalities can be viewed as a clash; it is also possible that the person on receiving end might also be very independent and doesn’t like to be told what to do. In a relationship, partners often tell each other they nag simply because both want to control the situation. Although the nagger might seem to be highly disciplined but looking at the tag, there is the possibility that the person might be the more laid-back, relaxed person who often procrastinates, is lazy, or perhaps someone who is overwhelmed. The tug of war occurs between the nagger and naggee as the nagger is less interested in carrying out the request than the nagger. As a result, the nagger feels unheard and uncared for and thinks he is constantly bossed around.

No doubt nagging never works; it makes things much more difficult in any relationship, whether they are husband and wife or parent and child. It is believed that Nagging creates resistance as well as resentment. Nagging leads to an angry response; instead of growing closer to your loved one, you tend to move apart. Nagging has a neNaggingconnotation because it focuses on what the person doesn’t do and doesn’t emphasize the positive personality traits of an individual. Even though nagging never works, you can hear the nagger’s expectations and respond accordingly. If you cannot do something, then firmly say No and try to explain your part.

Dr Nisha Khanna, a leading Relationship Expert or Pre-marriage, Post marriage and Family Counsellor, proffers online, telephonically and face-to-face Counselling Services in Delhi. Suppose you live in Delhi, India or any other part of the World. In that case, you can approach us online (Via audio or Video Calls) and offline (in the clinic) mediums for any issues related to Personal, Love, Relationship, Post-Marriage, Family, Stress, Anxiety, Emotions, Behaviour, Personality, Abuse and so on. For further details, visit Bye Tense, or call us at +91-9818211474