Stonewalling is a term developed by psychologist Dr. John Gottman, who specializes in relationship or marriage research and therapy. It means when a person “withdraws from the interaction, shutting down and closing themselves off from the speaker because they are feeling overwhelmed or physiologically flooded.” 

Stonewalling is when a person withdraws from a conversation and refuses to deal with concerns. It occurs when individuals tend to decline to communicate or cooperate completely. Stonewalling differs from a rare timeout; it occurs when an individual denies another partner’s perspective. Stonewalling occurs in various situations. Both verbal and nonverbal behaviour can be an indicator of stonewalling. Stonewalling is considered a manipulative technique, and it can hamper relationships.

Communication is considered to be the essence of every relationship. When one or both partners engage in stonewalling, this reflects that the couple refuses to communicate their feelings. Thus, stonewalling tends to outweigh the positive effects of communication and leads to a vicious cycle where couples avoid discussing their concerns.

Stonewalling can have psychological as well as physiological effects. It is a form of fight-or-flight response. It is a controlling tactic that can lead to emotional abuse. Stonewalling is ineffective and can damage a relationship. The problem of stonewalling is seen not only between couples but also in families.

Stonewalling is the closing stage of communication and can appear hurtful to the person receiving it. It can create feelings of abandonment and detachment in the relationship.

Whether stonewalling is intentional or not, its message can still be very hurtful. It shows that your partner is not worth responding to and that their thoughts and feelings also don’t matter.

While stonewalling is often used as a coping mechanism, it can have catastrophic implications when used repeatedly. Stonewalling or Silent treatment can be the most destructive pattern of communication that destroys the relationship because it can create a feeling of loneliness and rejection. Stonewalling can be frustrating, unbearable and isolating for individuals who are at the receiving end.

People use stonewalling to avoid dealing with the situation, get attention, show power, and express anger. Every individual experiences conflict in their relationship or marriage, and every couple should resolve the issue sooner rather than later. No couple can ever be conflict-free. Happy couples know how to deal with problems when they arrive. Showing love and affection can help a couple win the battle.

A relationship marked by recurrent stonewalling behaviour can cause tremendous rifts between the two partners. Unless the couple learns how to communicate more productively, the problems will continue to persist. The partners will become more distant, and their intimacy will decline. They may continue to live their lives without sharing any activities or interests.

Relationships can be tricky. They require patience and good communication. The problem often arises when the couple avoids dealing with an issue, which can cause deterioration in the relationship. The couple needs to learn and grow together.

No matter the reason behind stonewalling, communicating is essential rather than shutting down all means of communication. If you recognize that your partner is stonewalling you, it is also necessary to understand how you may contribute to the problem and take steps to take the desired action. When the problem is out of control, seeking help from a professional psychologist, relationship expert, or marriage counsellor to improve self-esteem and communication skills is essential.

Stonewalling can have devastating long-term effects on your relationship. The silent treatment makes you more distant as a couple. To address stonewalling, seeking help from a professional psychologist, relationship expert, or marriage counsellor is essential.

Dr Nisha Khanna provides online, telephonic, and face-to-face counselling services as a Psychologist, Relationship Expert, and Marriage Counsellor. If you live in Delhi, India or any other part of the World, you can approach us through any of these mediums. For further details, visit Bye Tense or call us at +91-9312730331