“Hey Rajiv, where are you, working or hardly working?” Oh! The incisive, mocking remark of Samaira just broke the heart of Rajiv, who had been striving relentlessly to come up to the so-called upper middle class of Samaira to be accepted by her family. He had had enough.

He had cautioned her and told her umpteen times to speak things as a statement and not be sarcastic. Still, the mocking remarks of Samaira, “Change your middle-class habits of ….., you’re dressed up very dandily today, whose influence is it?” took a toll on their relationship. He no more felt attached to her. Rajiv seemed to be drifting apart, and the day came when he told her, “It’s enough; I can no more live a superficial life. You have to accept me the way I am, or we part ways”. And to their dismay, they moved away.

Ridiculing, Derision, and Sneering all mean the same, but when they cross boundaries, they play havoc with a relationship. Many times we hear people and even celebrities being mocked for their appearance, dressing sense, their figure, which has acquired a new terminology, Body shaming.

 A couple recently came to me because the husband no longer felt attracted to his wife after delivering their first child. “You no longer look charming and alluring”, claimed the husband. The wife was devastated. Juggling between being a new mother and a wife to a demanding husband took a toll on her, and finally, she broke down. Confident, diffident and shaken, she walked into our office with tears rolling down her cheeks. Numerous sessions were had with both of them together and individually too, especially the husband on being sensitive, using kind, loving words, and, to top it all, being cooperative, brought their life beckon track and rekindled the lost passion.

The rule for all couples is that every individual must talk and convey directly without using demeaning or derogatory remarks. A conversation should always have statements unaccompanied by using any prefix or suffix. If there is a problem, there is a solution too. Meaningful relationships are perhaps the most vital part of our lives. They bring a sense of purpose, sheer delight, and much-needed comfort to our lives.

Negativity can only make situations worse. Everyone experiences problems at some point in their lives, leaving them feeling trapped, confused about the direction or feeling unsure about each other and at this time, razor-sharp, piercing remarks about the other person, their extended family does no good, and the unique dynamics of the relationship begins to fail. Sitting down and having an honest heart-to-heart conversation with the person involved is an effective technique to resolve any issue and have a healthy relationship.

One thing to be kept in mind is that ultimately, only you and your partner know exactly what your relationship is like, and the I-You connection that put you together in the first place and being supportive and affectionate towards each other can help resolve any issue.

Dr Nisha Khanna as a Relationship Counsellor/Marriage Counsellor, proffers online, telephonically and face-to-face Counselling Services. If you live in Delhi, India or any other part of the World, you can approach us through any of these mediums. For further details, visit Bye Tense, or call us at +91-9818211474