Marriage Counselling and Psychologists

Q & A

Q1. Hamari engagement ko 2yr. ho gaye hai. Ghar walo ki wajah se hum mile aur es rishty me jude .Pr humbahut like karne lage. bahut accha time raha hamara saath me but ab bahut problems ho rahi hai. Kisi bhi baat pr argument hoti hai vo naraj aur gussa hokr bs rishta khatam karne ka bolna suruho jate hai aur mesb sun leti hu pr ye nahi ke etna assan hairishta khatam karna …sb normal ho jata hai kuldeep kehnahaime nahi karna chahta kuch bhi khatam bs mera gussa shant hone tk shant raha kr. Meri problem hai meye sochti hu hr choti baat pr ya kisi bhibaat pr etni badi baat bolna normal hai kya…ya mujhe such mekuch bhi react nahi karna chaye. Kya karna chaye mujhe….help – MAHIMA DHABAI

Every person has their own traits and thought processes which influences their behaviour. It is essential to understand that during any conversation a lot of factors play an essential role and thus there will be different ways in which two people deal with the situation.

Personality Clash :- As no two people are same it is very obvious that the reactions are going to be very different. Many times you might want to talk about a particular issue but the other person might not be in the right frame of mind as in your case if you see your partner getting about an issue, you should might give some space and tell him to come back and talk to you as and when he is ready. You might be a person who would want to discuss about the thing as the problem arises and your partner might want space and discuss things with you when he is ready to talk politely.

Expectation :- Most of the time problem arises because we feel that the other person is not being sensitive towards your feelings. Thus, don’t expect your partner to know things about you instead actively tell him about the things that you expect from him.

Communication :- Communication is an essential part of every relationship. Don’t be rushed by counting hours while communicating but instead focus on the quality of communication. Talk for 1 hour in the whole day but ensure that you have communicated and shared your thoughts and feelings.

Vent Out :- Every person needs some outlet to channelize their energy so that their energy is pushed out in the positive way. Engage in some activity that you like, in case you and your partner enjoy the same activity then you can join them together also. It is essential to understand that every person needs to take care of their happiness.

Time Out:- Whenever you are in between an argument with your partner and he gets angry don’t try to explain him during that time frame take some time out. Giving space in relationship is as important as being together.

Q2. My name is Rahul .I belong to Ajmer. me abhi govt job ki preparation kr rha hu or me meri friend k math 3 year se relationship me tha or meri partner ne esi sal me diploma complete kiya h or uski abhi private company me job lggyi h . jo abhi noida me h lekin job lgne k bad wo mujse bat nhikr rhi h esa kyo .or es reason ki wjha se me apni pdai bhi nhi krpa rha hu pls tell me answer ki wo mujhse bat kyo nhi kr rhi h jbsath the tab usne bola tha ki hum sadhi krenge but situation ye aa gyi h ki relationship tutne wala h jiski wjha se me depression me hu pls ma’am answer me. thanks ma’am

It is very important to first focus on and take care of oneself. Firstly you need to understand that whatever is your happening your relationship whether it is mutual or not. Secondly, whenever person goes to a new environment the person takes time to adjust. Studying life and working has huge difference. Maybe things for your partner might be emotionally overwhelming, she also must be trying to make adjustments. Time Constraint is one of the major reason why this might be happening and your partner might be having problems related to managing your time well. It is essential for you not to be very emotionally dependent on her and follow a routine. Focus on your studies and your career, you have your life ahead. Believe in yourself and be confident about yourself.

Q3. Ma’am apne partner se kese bat kre Tanki vo apni har bat bta skeor hmari galti Bina soche samje kah ske m kisko pyar Krti hu vomuje koi bat Sidhi nhi kahta pele edhar udhar ki bate krega or bad me thoda bout btayega puri bat share nhi krta please Nam secret rkhna.

To enjoy close relationships, a person should master the ability to communicate.To connect with other person and to create genuine emotional intimacy listening is extremely important.Listening is a process of developing a full understanding of another person’s situation, concern and point of view. Good listening skills require suspending judgment and spending more energy to understand another person. Person restates speaker’s thoughts and feelings for verification as a good listener. This somewhere slows down the communication but minimizes misunderstanding and conflict. It is important that while communicating you should talk lighter and engage in humor. Share your feelings with the partner in a manner which is not confrontational. Many times we want partner to give us hours and hours but we should go by quality as it doesn’t matter that for how many hours you talk but what matters is what you talk during that time. Active Listening is also important, many times you can just listen to another person not to put your point forward but to just understand your partner and listen to his feelings. This will help you to understand each other’s feelings and thoughts closely.

Q4. Yesa relationship jb husband pasnd hi na krta ho,aur kisi dusriladki ke contact me ho to kese apne relation ko sambhale?

It is important to understand that why did your husband do that in the first place. Many times there is very unsaid expectation that your partner might have from you. Thus, try to ask your partner for the reasons behind it. If you are not sure about the reason behind then you can politely ask your husband about the same. It is important to keep oneself happy then only you will be able to keep your partner happy. Consider a situation where the partner has told her wife that he wants her lose some weight but since the wife doesn’t really listen to the feeling of husband the husband becomes physically attracted to other females.

Q5. Ap ye btaye mam/sir meri sagae huye 2 sal ho gye hai or voladki na to koe sahi tarikhe se bat karti na koe sms ka reply kartihai jab use bolo ki me ap se rista nhi rakhna chahta to to boltihai asa nhi ho sakta hai or ap asa kyu kar rhe vo vagera vageraplease reply me.

The main reason for this could be the fact that the time you spent together initially to understand each other might not have been enough.It is important that you spend quality of time to know each other better. Every personality is different some people take time to open up and some people might like to have some space and likes to be by themselves. Compatibility and putting forward the problems that you have each other is essential. In order, to have better relations you must must dwell into the factors that might cause the problem and highlight issue. Incase you feel that you are not able to sort things on your own then you must take family or professional help. Because you need to understand each other well enough now so that you have mutual understanding through marriage.

Q6. Good morning Dr.mem meri shadi ko abi 3 saal v ni huye or mere all family members muje har baat me galt smjte h .Mammy ko lgta h ke puri tarah badal gya hu apne sasural balo ki baatmanta hu.papa v kei pyar se baat ni krte or na smjte h.Mammypapa ne muje ghar se v nikal diya fir me sochta hu ke wo khusrhe .muje heart problem h or me 3 saal se dipretion ki dabai v kha rha hu fir v me family ke liye sb krta hu lekin Mammy komujse nafrat ho gyi me unse kuch v bolta hu to unko lgta h keme unse ldai krta hu or wife ka support leta hu jbki wife kuch v ni bolti h.me apni life se haar gya hu zindagi bahut haras lgti h sochta hu door chala jau kahi ya suside kr lu.kyoki muje koi nismjta .plz mem koi advise dijiye. plz Help me. Sanjay Singh vaidhya, Gwalior (m.p.)

It is very normal for you and your mother to feel the way you are feeling. Many times after marriage mother feels like that his son is drifting away from her and thus tends to get a little insecure. The parents tend to feel that the child is always supporting his wife in this case you should let your wife to speak for herself. Because when you speak on her behalf the relationship between you and your mom gets weary. But it is also very essential for you take understand and love yourself first. Only when you will be happy then only you will be able to keep others happy. At this stage you need to think about yourself and work for the things that you want in future. Don’t let anyone interfere with your career at this moment and everything can be taken care of after that. The first step to make anyone happy is make yourself happy first. Spend time to understand yourself, focus on your goals , engage in some hobbies. You need to think practically and focus on what is important.

Q7. Hello Nisha mem Mera nam nena h. Mem mere relationship ko1year hone vala h but mene start m hi apre partner se kuch baatechupai thi Jo ab unke samne aa gyi h. Vo ab mujh pr trust nhikrte h. Mem baat bahut hi bigad gyi h. Me unhe khona nhichahti hu. Mem please help me m Kya kru ab unka trust fir se pane ke liye. Yha Puri galti Meri hi h unhone apne baare m mujhe pehle hi bta Diya tha sb kuch but mene nhi btai

You need to sit and comfortably talk with him about the reason that you didn’t share things with him. Whatever the reason might have been it is essential for you to explain and make him understand that what made you do that, incase the intention was not wrong then I am sure he will be able to come to terms with it. But is essential that at your end you need to be patient and give him time to process things. Building up trust takes time it is not an easy process you will have to regain his trust by doing small gestures for him but also remember to giver him space as well. In order to make relationship to make relationship more positive you have make positive changes as well such focus more on quality of time that you spend, try to make him feel special by doing things that he like. It is easy to break trust but then it takes time to rebuild it. You first need to understand yourself and then try to explain your viewpoint to him.

Q8. I want to ask a question about my relationship. i m in relationship wid a boy his name is navneet.. he was my child hood friend,we mat on fb again in 2017 after 11 years. he loves me too much he is more possessive for me… he drink alcohol.. but he does not trust me… har bat me gussa or shaq krta haidrink krke mujhe bhut galiya deta hai…me bhut polite hu sochtihun ki nashe me kah deta hai.. lekin wo much bhut bar characterless bhi kahta hai…me kya karu wo har bat m mujheblame krta hai.. pdai khud nhi karma or kahta teri wajah se mere 2 sal barbad ho gaye.. ab me kya kru aap please mujhesuggestions dijiye plz…

The way he is behaving with you and the affect it has on you is called Emotional Abuse . It essential to not let other person take you for granted and need to see how much such things are affecting you. It is essential for you to make him understand about how you feel about all this. It is a pattern how he is behaving and it depends upon you how much you want to deal with it. Relationship is always based on mutual understanding, not on the basis of one person giving. You need to understand that whether or not you see yourself with hi in future. Loving you and Possessiveness is not what a relationship is made of, respect is utmost important. I feel you should tell him about how his behavior affect and see whether he makes any improvement in his behavior or not. If you feel that there is no change then the decision is yours to make. Love doesn’t involve you to deal with whatever your partner throws at you. But you should stand up for yourself and calling you Characterless is not Love or Respect.

Q9. Mera question meri. girlfriend ko lekr h hum dono ke bich aksrjhgda hota h pta nhi wo mujhe nhi smjh pa rhi pta Nhi m smjh nipa rha, situation yha tk aa phuchi h ki hum apni relationship kobreak krne k kgar pr phuch chuke h, koi solution agr ap bta sktih to jrur disa pardan

The main problem between you both can be of communication. It is very essential to focus on spending quality of time together and focus much on quantity. In order to make any relationship work is important to understand and accept the personality differences of each other. Rather than understanding her it is essential to first understand yourself. When you know yourself only then you can make her better relate to and solve the issues that you have. You need to highlight the point that are often point of stress and talk about those issue in detail so that you know what triggers the problem between you both. Some issue could be due to the simple fact about how you are and she might not be able to understand you properly and so do you. Thus, make a list of what is the reason of the most fights and the reason for the repetitive patterns some could be due to how you are as individuals and others could be related to communication. Focus on studying on yourself, so that you can help her in knowing you better.

Q10. M ek ldki se bhut pyar krta hu. Hm dono ek dusre se bhut pyr krte h Ek dusre se shadi krna chahte h Hmne apne apne ghr walo se bt kri Pr ldki ke parivarwale raaji ni h..hm dono ek dusre ke bina ni rh skte. To is situtation m kya karu. To ap hme iska koi solution btye Or plz hmari help kre..Hme apki help ki bhut bhut need hai plz hmari help kre or solution btye….

See many times parents take time to understand and accept the relationship. Most of the times the girl’s family is conservative and is not very open because of that they might take some time to understand and accept. In this scenario you will have to patiently wait for their approval and meanwhile try and talk to them. You both will have to make your family mutually understand the importance of each other and why you are both good for each other.

Some Tips which you can use to make your parents understand are :

1. Become friends with them

2. Take in confidence on your family member who can help you

3. Maybe she can convince her family to meet yours.

4. Share your viewpoint on marriage seriously with family.

5. Listen to your parents perspective

6. Try to get support from one parent at least

Before taking any decision try to comprehend your relationship and yourself. In the end you both need to make the relationship work, so understand your needs and expectations from each other.

Q11. Hamari sadi ko lagbhag 3 saal ho chuke h meri wife ko meri family mai koi intrest nahi h or unko mera apni bahan se bat karna bilkul bhi pasand nahi h or ab unhone ye iljaam tk bhi laga diya h ki mere or meri sagi bahan ke bich kuch galat h jabki aisa kuch bhi nahi h ab wo mujhe chor kr apne mayke ja chuke h ye kah rahe h ki me apni sister se hamesa ke liye rista todu, or bhi kai galat iljaam laga rahe h . Me kya karu, me wife ko bhi nahi khona chahta.

See firstly we need to understand that whether she is doing from insecurity or from jealousy point of view.The reason for her behaving like that could be on how you have treated because many times when we don’t give enough importance to our partner and the partner feels left out. The kind of allegations she is putting you need to understand her perspective and explain to her that her not talking is not the solution. You should take in confidence her mother or some family member and explain to them the solution. You should explain to her by taking example her own brother and sister, since she is talking to them and is in touch with them doesn’t make any sense to let you go through that. It is essential that you take the help of some family members and try to understand her deep rooted issues that she has. If she doesn’t get involved in your family, it is your responsibility initially to make her feel part of your family.

Q12. I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend since 6 months. We haven’t met each other till now. I feel a little change in him now. What should i do to build a more stronger bond with him?

Long distance relationship might be tough but with the right kind of balance it can’t be managed. For any relationship to succeed Communication is the key. In order to strengthen your relationship focus on communication try to focus more on quality of time rather than quantity. To enjoy close relationships, a person should master the ability to communicate.To connect with other people and to create genuine emotional intimacy listening is extremely important.

1. Set a “US” time where mutually you decide about the time of talking

2. Ensure Balance

3. Talk it out

4. Give space to one another

5. Often compliment each other

6. Be a good listener

7. Try to find things to do together such as watching a movie or something

8. Stay Honest

9. Set some ground rules and expectations

10. Try to find creative ways to communicate

Q13. Main,kuch din pahle ek ladki se fb p mila batten hui,aur hume pyar ho gaya.usne agge badh kar ijhar vv kiya,lakin wo mujhse milne kabhi nahi anna chati hum ek hi city bhopal se hain,aur maine na use kabuki dekha hai.main ky karu iss riste main?

You have to be very cautious about things as you know that a lot of fraud things happen online. I don’t even know the background but consider things such as whether you guys talk on phone or facebook, go through her profile properly to see whether she has added some of her real pictures or not. Incase you are sure of all this, then it simply could be that the girl is shy in nature and take time to open. She might not be very comfortable in meeting you for now. You can at your end ensure to be patient and try to make her feel comfortable by giving her time and space. Ensure to talk to her in ways that connects you both closer especially that makes her feel closer to you. In the end, ensure to keep yourself in mind and not to be fooled around. Be sure of your decision and what you do regarding this relationship. Ensure that things don’t go in the wrong direction for you.

Q14. Sir me ek ladki se bhut pyar krta hu but kuch time phle kuch logo ki vajh se hmare bich misunderstanding ho gyi or vo ab mujse bat bhi nhi krna chati .lakin vo dil ki bhut nice h …so plz muje kya krna chaliye ki vo man jaye….plz. I can’t live without her…

The main reason for this could be the fact that the time you spent together initially to understand each other might not have been enough.It is important that you spend quality time to know each other better. You need to understand the reason in depth because without understanding the reason of misunderstanding, proper solution can’t be given. Currently you should understand her better and make her understand your viewpoint. Communication is the key to help you with your problem. Incase she is not listening to you, you can get in touch with her friend who can help you both together.

Q15. Mai ek ladki se bahut pyar krta hu. Ham dono shadi karna chahte hai. Hmne hmari shadi ki bat hmare gharwalo ke samne rakhi lekin Ladki ki dadi aur meri mummy ka gotra same hone ki wajh se unhone mana kr dia.. Ladki ka family background b high h…. Me income tax me job karta hu aur ladki ko har tarah se khush rakh skta hu.. Ladki mujh par giveup nahi kar rhi hai aur abhi bhi ghar par rishto ko mana kr rahi h.. Ghrwalo ne uska mobile chin lia h lekin fir b wo Muse contact krke sath ni chodne ke liye bolti h. Dhire dhire situation thodi normal hui hai,lekin ladki ne ab bat krna bahut kam dia h.. Uska pahle kahi rishta tay hua tha jo tut gaya.. Isliye wo muje apni feelings share nahi krti h.. Uske man me jo b hai kuch nahi batati… Bolti hai jo b bate hongi shadi k bad krenge.. Wo mujhe mere sath hone k wavjud b mere sath ni lgti.. ..Uski bato se mujhe nahi lgta ki ska intention badl gya hai.. Magar uska behavior kafi change ho gya hai… Mai kya kru.. Kuch puchta hu to ni batati.. Bus sahi time ka wait krne ke liye bolti h.

You should first work on the relationship, your connection with you partner at this moment is not strong which can affect your marriage life so it does become important that you focus more on improving your relationship. We not only communicate with words but also in the form of non-verbal behavior, so therefore you should not just focus on the words but also understand the person through her body language. It is very important that she share her feelings with you because things after marriage wont suddenly change. See no relationship can flourish in secrets or by hiding emotions. Try to work and focus more on your emotional intimacy which help you build trust and will strengthen the foundation of your relationship. Don’t get married in a hurry first try to understand each other.Ask her whatever is bothering you and make her feel comfortable so that she slowly opens up about her feelings.

Q16. I am in a relationship from past 6 years, we are not married yet as we are studying now.My problem is that he loves me physically mentally and emotionally but sometimes he stops me from loving him physically which makes me feel anger and irritated.he knows everything about me my family my past present, truly speaking i don’t want ho hide anything from him so i tell him every small things of my life.but in these 6 years of relationship i don’t know much about him.he expects from me that whenever he call me aur text i am always there for him then why cant i expect the same from him.

Firstly no relationship is greater than your relationship with self. Emotional intimacy is most crucial aspect of every relationship and the physical relationship only becomes better when your emotional needs are satisfied. You need to first focus on getting to know each other better. It is very important to know things about the person you love, every relationship is based on mutual understanding. If you feel that he is not around when you need him so you should tell him that and see what he says.You should talk to him about what you feel so that he also might open up about his feeling. When you share and tell him about things that are bothering you, it might improve the quality of your relationship. But it is equally important to do things that makes you happy don’t depend on him to make you happy. See for some priorities are different he might be your priority but his priority might be career for now so focus more on yourself. Relationship is just a part of your life.

Q17. Meri ek girlfriend hai or hm dono ek-dusre se shadi bhi krna chahte hai, avi kuch din pehle hmara ek jhagda hua, wo mghse jhut bolti hai wo ek ldke se baat krui hai but un dono k bich me aisa kuch bhi nhi hai but isne suru se us ldke ki identity chupa k rkhi mghse fir jb samne aaya to usne mghe sorry bola or aj se usse baat nhi krungi bola, mene bhi maaf kr diya, but wo avi us ldke se baat krui hai or mere se continue jhut bol rhi hai mene usko pucha to wo bolti hai aisa kuch nhi hai ap glt soch rhe ho,Mam me glt nhi soch rha hu but me sirf ye bol réa hu ki baat krti hai to jhut kyu bolna jo hai wo bata do, Ab ap btao mghe kya krna chahiye ki jisse wo us ldke se baat krna chor de Or jhut bolna chor de.

Firstly you need to ask yourself whether earlier you told her not to talk to that guy and she still did? Secondly what was the reason behind that she lied to you was the reason you or her? See she might have lied to you because you could be possessive and might not have allowed her to talk to guys. Here you need to understand that whether it is because how you would react. If she did it because you wouldn’t have understood that she is talking to other guys then it is somewhere understandable because no one likes to be controlled. One advice work you is that don’t try to control a person, they will eventually do what they want to do no matter how hard you try. Now it is for you see how much you can deal with because there is no trust in your relationship. You should directly ask her that why is she talking to him but full guarantee cant be taken of any person, whether she will stop lying or not is decent on own individual action. But you should discuss with her and see what she says but at least try to understand that she lied to you in the first place.

Q18. M ek ldke s pyar krti hu .uske ghrwale agree h hmari shadi Ko r mere ghrwale nhi man rhe.m usi k sath rhna chati hu .wo acha kmata b h..smj nhi a rha ky kru.ghrwale bol rhe h hmari izat ki soch.r bhul ja use.same cast b h.kbi kbi man krta h khud Ko kuch kr lu .plsss btaiye ky kru m kuch smj nhi a rha h?

Firstly try to understand that just because you love a person doesn’t mean that you should get married to him. You can love a person without getting married to him. You need to understand that why are your parents not ready to accept him.Before taking any decision or trying to convince your parents, ensure that things between you both are pretty clear. Be sure yourself that this is the person that you want to get married to and see for how long you know each other. You should talk to your parents about why are they against it. Are they against love marriage ? or is their something about the person which is bothering them.

Q19. Meri age 40 saal hai. 16 saal pahle shadi hui tab pata chala pati ki ek girlfriendthi. Pati ne wada kiya tha us se kabhi baat nahi karenge. Lekin kai bar baat karte pakde gaye. Kuch saal shanti rahi lekin 2 mahine pahle chat aur call dikhi unke phone pe. Mujhe lagta hai ab mai tut gai hu. Panic attacks aur depression me hu. Kya karu please bataiye.

You need to think about yourself in this. If you knew that he had a girlfriend you should have waited to get married until and unless you were completely sure about it. It is very important that you spend quality of time together. You should assertive enough and tell him that you don’t like him talking to that girl. It is very important that what he tells you, if he says that he doesn’t want to stop talking to her then you have your answer or else you’ll have to give him some ultimatum. Don’t let him take you for granted and speak up for yourself.Until and unless you don’t ask him you will keep on living in a negative state.You should involve some family member so that they can talk to him and you can seek professional help if you seem things are getting out of hand.

Q20. मेरी शादी को डेढ़ साल डेढ़ साल हो गए हम दोनों एक दूसरे से बहुत प्यार करते हैं हमारे बीच 10 दिन पहले किसी बात को लेकर लड़ाई हो गई और पिछले 10 दिनों से वह अपने पापा मम्मी के पास है ना मुझसे बात कर रही है और ना मुझसे बात करना चाह रही है. मैंने इस बारे में उसके घर वालों से भी बात की उससे भी बात करने की कोशिश की मैंने जो भी बात थी उसकी माफी मांग ली फिर भी वह लोग नहीं मान रहे हैं इस स्थिति में मेरे को क्या करना चाहिए

You should try to make her feel special by making positive efforts such as buying her gifts, taking her out. Send her some flowers and chocolates but remember to personalize the gifts or buy things for her that she likes. The only thing you can do is try.Try to remind her of all the wonderful times you guys spent together.At this moment you should ignore her negative behavior and only focus on the positive side. Don’t overdo things try to focus on spending quality of time.If required give her some time and don’t stop from making efforts.

Q21. Mai college mein padhti hu.sath ke ek ladke ko mein pasand karti hu par muhe nhi pta mai iss bare mein use kaise bolu.mujhe nhi pta ki bo bhi mujhe apsand krta hai ya nhi.kuch help kijie

You need to observe his behavior. Small things such as whether he looks at you or not, if he does then focus on the way he looks at you.If you’re shy and don’t want to go and talk to him directly then you can connect with him over social media. The more you communicate with him the better understanding you will have of his personality.The fact that you like him doesn’t ensure that he also feels the same. See it is very casual for your then you can ask him directly but then if you’re little serious then you should focus more on whether he is sort of person that you’re looking for because social status, education background and intellect play essential role is establishing compatibility. Don’t have the fear of rejection as being straightforward will help you realistically because if he doesn’t like then at least you wont be waiting for him.

Q22. मेने शादी कर ली पर मेने जिससे शादी कि है वो ओर किसी प्यार करती है या नहीं मुझे पता नहीं पर वो शादी एक दिन बाद तलाक़ मांग रही थी और कटोल रूम फोन लगाकर अपने पीहर चली गई मैं उससे तलाक लेना चाहता हु आपकी राय बताये

I will suggest that you first try to talk to her properly and understand the issue that is bothering her. See something must have happened why she called the police. The main reason could be because she was forced to get married against her will. You can get your marriage null and void now because anyway you can’t force anyone stay with you and you both don’t want to spend time together. Before taking any step try to understand that why doesn’t want to be with you. It will be advisable that you resolve the issue in the house or you can seek help from a professional which could be private or government funded.

Q23. मै आप से ये कहना चाहता हू की मैं एक लड़की से प्यार करता हूँ।ओर वो भी मेरे से प्यार करती है हम दोनो मे जाति का भी कुछ नही है दोनो की एक ही जाति है।मेने मेरे घर वालो से उस रिस्ते के लिए बात की थी तो मेरे घर वाले इस रिस्ते के लिए मान गये है। उसके परिवार में उसके पापा नही मान रहे है इस शादी के लिए।उसकी मम्मी भी इस रिस्ते से खुश है। उसके पापा ने साफ मना कर दिया है। मुझे क्या करना चाहिए आप कुछ रास्ता बताये।

You both are adults and can get married.But you have to consider the fact, whether your girlfriend will go against her father to get married or not.Your girlfriend has to be strong and take her own stand. Incase you both are sure about each other then you should get married. Understand that marriage is not just based on love but it a responsibility as well. Realistically think about situations and take into considerations the financial aspect as well. In most cases the parents tend to agree after marriage.First she needs to make up her mind because situations shouldn’t change and she shouldn’t stop supporting you in future.

Q24. मैं एक लड़की के एक तरफा प्यार में पड़ गया हंू, मेरे बताने का तरीका सही नहीं होने की वजह से उसने मुझे गलत समझ लिया और दुबारा कभी बात नहीं की है| मेरी तो शादी हो चुकी पर उसका पता नहीं हैं। उससे दूर होने के कारन में डिप्रेशन में चला गया था। अभी मेरी उम्र 29 वर्ष है और खुद की ज़िन्दगी को सुधारने में लगा हुआ हूं। मेरी वाइफ इमोशनल सपोर्ट की जगह गुस्सा होती है। समझ में नहीं आ रहा है कि शादीशुदा लाइफ में सेटल हो जाऊंगा कि फ्यूचर में उस लड़की से दुबारा मिल पाऊंगा। कृपया सही सुझाव दीजिये।

You need to understand that it is one sided love and you don’t know whether she loves you or not. Right now you’re married and have your whole future ahead. She is just part of your imagination and I don’t feel she is suitable for you. See when it comes to expecting your wife to be emotional supportive, you also to lend that support to her. If you’re going to be stuck in your past and not focus on your future then till how long will she be able to deal with it.I feel that you should focus on creating your present bigger than your past. Just because of your imagination about how things might turn out you will spoil your present too. Don’t leave your wife and give the love that she deserves. When you emotionally try to connect with your wife, she will also try to understand you better. Focus on present and try to create better future.

Q25. मेरी शादी को 4 साल हो चुके हैं वह तो पत्नी काफी मिलनसार और सेवाभावी हैं।लेकिन वह कभी–कभी बहुत चिड़चिड़ा बर्ताव करती है और जो मन में आया बोलने लग जाती है। उसके इस बर्ताव से हमारे संबंध मैं तनाव उत्पन्न हो रहा है बताइए मैं क्या करूं। कृपया नाम न छापे।

You need to connect with your wife. It is your responsibility to get to know her better. Maybe lately there are certain things going on her mind. You need to find the what is bothering her, it could be physical, mental or emotional aspect. Many times the person is irritated because the person is not happy with herself or something might be triggering her in her surrounding. Talk to her about it and understand her likes and dislikes so that you can motivate her to enroll herself in some hobby class, you could watch some comedy show together and form friend circle.

Q26. मैं 30 साल का युवक हु , मेरी समस्या काफ़ी जटिल है, वर्ष 2008 से मेरी लाइफ में एक लड़की आई जो मेरी काफी अच्छी दोस्त बनी हमारा रिश्ता बेस्ट फ्रेंड वाला रहा , फिर 2012 में मेरे घर वालो की मर्जी से एक अन्य लड़की से मेरी शादी हुई पर मुझे मेरी पत्नी से वैवाहिक जीवन मे बेहतर रिस्पॉन्स नही मिला जिस कारण से मैं अपनी फ्रेंड से इमोशनली अटेच हो गया हम दोनों एक दूसरे से प्यार करने लगे ये बात मेरी पत्नी को भी पता चल गई है जिस कारण घर में विवाद भी हुआ है , मेरी पत्नी ओर मेरे एक 3 साल का बेटा भी है । मैं अपनी फ्रेंड (प्रेमिका) से शादी करना चाहता हु वो भी मुझसे शादी करने के लिए तैयार है किंतु मैं पत्नी/बेटे को भी नही छोड़ना चाहता हु मै बहुत ज्यादा तनाव में हु क्या करूँ सलाह दे ….

As far as I know no wife and girlfriend will be able to stay under one roof comfortably. See it’ll be much better if you talk both of them and ask them what they will prefer. Incase they don’t agree you will have to sacrifice either your girlfriend or your wife. While taking a decision with whom you want to stay. You should consider the fact that since you have a child your wife might not allow you to meet the child and also in order to get married again you require No Objection Certificate from your wife. Before you take any step you could a small test to see the foundation of your and your girlfriend. Stop talking to your girlfriend for 6 months and you will be able to test your love and commitment. Your first priority should be your wife and not your girlfriend. For 6 months give all your love to your wife do things together with her.Try to know her better and focus on your married life. See the where the problem lies and how it can be solved. This way you wont feel guilty as such as you know that rather than just walking over marriage, you made an effort.This way it wont make you feel guilty.

Q27. पिछले साल सितंबर में मेरी सगाई हुई थी, और अब दिसंबर में मेरी शादी है। त जिस लड़की से मेरी सगाई हुई, उससे शुरुआती 4 5 महीने तक अच्छे से बात होती थी और काफी कुछ फीलिंग भी थी हम दोनों के बीच। हम काफी सारी बातें शेयर भी करते थे।लेकिन इसके बाद मैं कुछ समय के लिए मानसिक रूप से अस्वस्थ था और इसी समय में मैंने इतना कुछ गलत किया जैसे हर किसी को गाली देना फिर चाहे कोई भी हो, आत्म हत्या करने के बारे में सोचना और ऐसे ही बहुत सारे गलत विचार मन में आने लगे थे।तो इसी समय में मैंने अपनी मंगेतर के साथ भी काफी गाली गलौज की थी। तो वो भी इस वजह से परेशान रही।लेकिन मेरे ट्रीटमेंट के बाद मैं ठीक हुआ तो उसे सब कुछ समझाया तो उसने भी मुझे समझा और फिर से सब कुछ नोर्मल होने लगा। हम दोनों प्यार से बातें करने लगे थे लेकिन अब पता नहीं क्यों, पर मुझे ऐसा लगता है जैसे हम दोनों ही एक–दूसरे से प्यार नहीं करते। लगता है जैसे जबरदस्ती शादी हो रही हो ।तो मैं कुछ समझ नहीं पा रहा हूं।कृपया मार्गदर्शन करें।

For now it’ll be much better if you can postpone your marriage and focus on yourself and your relationship. You need to understand that the thought process is currently quite negative. You need to spend time together and get to know each other better. Focus on spending quality of time and quantity of time. Right now you should focus on making yourself happy only when you’re happy and free from negative you can form better relations. Right now your reactions could be that you’re overreacting because of the fact that you’re thinking too much. Try to find a balance in your emotions and try to think less by engaging in activities that make you happy. There might be certain unsaid expectations and it is very essential that you both discuss about it, so that no one is left wondering and is not making efforts in vain. Try to find the right balance, by spending quality of time with yourself and also with her.

Q28. आकाश (५१) रेहाना (५३) की शादी २० साल पहले हुई थी। आकाश एक आकर्षक उच्च शिक्षित युवक था। रेहाना आकाश को प्यार करती थी। प्रपोज रेहाना ने किया था । शादी के बाद रेहाना को पता चला कि आकाश एक मतलबी ,झुठा , अपरिपक्व इनसान है। दोनों ने मिलकर आकाश के परिवार की सारी जिम्मेदारी निभाई । आकाश ने क ई नोकरी छोड़ी ।दो बच्चे हैं। रेहाना भी उच्च शिक्षित नौकरी करती थी। दोनों के परिवार ने उन्हें स्वीकार किया था।२ साल पहले रेहाना को पता चला कि आकाश का उसके आफिस में काम करने वाली आधी उम्र की लड़की से शारीरिक संबंध हैं। बिना तलाक दिए उससे शादी करना चाहता है। रेहाना एवं बच्चों पर इसके लिए हर तरह से दबाव डाल रहा है। रेहाना घर तोडना नहीं चाहती और आत्म सम्मान से समझोता भी नहीं कर सकती। दोनों के परिवार बीच में पड़ना नहीं चाहते हैं। बच्चों को भी आकाश की सच्चाई पता चलने से पिता से दूर हो गये।

The problem is that the IQ might be high but EQ is very low. This shows signs of emotionally instability. It is essential that you take him for professional help. You can see the pattern also that due to his emotional issues he has left so many jobs and also has no awareness level. In order to save your marriage it is essential to address his emotional issues. He seems to be intelligent but has symptoms but has low EQ. He requires guidance, someone who can guide him and help him through his emotional issues. He didn’t change for 20 years and the chances are less likely that he will do so in future. Don’t try to handle case on your own you need maturity and patience to deal with the current situation which you have shown so far but have to continue to show it. Let him do whatever he wants to do because anyway he is not going to listen to you because he is madly in love right now.

Q29. Mam Relation between l & my wife is so bitter that it has become almost impossible for me to stay with her I never wanted & will never like to give her divorce though she wanted & perhaps wants even at this age I know what Problems a lady have to face after saperation Therefore I want to go away from her life leaving my property in her hands but my grand son Aarav of 2 years actually deserves for my property I think so . Should I give my property to my Grand Son or to my Wife plz give me good advise After my retirement on 30thNov. of this year2019my pension Rs.55000 per month will go to our joint account which She can draw any time You know after death pension will be half of 55000 & that will be for her Remember I am not going to die Death can never take me away before 80 years age & if circumstances are favourable then surely after the age of100 yearsI will go with death willingly.

Right now you can make a will that focuses on dividing 50-50 to your grandson and wife after your death. At this moment you should think about yourself. Follow your will and for now keep your property in your name. Since your salary goes in joint account you can see whether she or you are withdrawing, you can either take out before the amount you need. You can mutually decide the amount you want give to her. But for now it’ll be best that you keep your property in you name and make a will.

Q30. Mera bhai 15 sal ka h our hm log 4 bhai bhn h sb khus h sb kuchh tk tak h lekin mere bhai ko bhut jyada gussa ata h usko smzate h vo is bat ko manta v h lekin khud ko control ni kr pata… Gussa sant krne k liye m kya bolu… Kaise smzau…. Pl. Help me

You should try to understand him and try to talk to him if there is something which is bothering him. Other than that it is essential that he engages in some physical activity because it will help him release the energy and also make him feel better. There could be some deep turmoil that he must be facing which he might not be able to express properly so it adds to his anger issue. He should also engage in some hobby which makes him genuinely happy. Try to be his friend so that he can share and feels light.If you feel that despite the repeated efforts he is still not able to manage his anger it is essential that you seek professionals help in that.

Q31. I have married about ten years ago and i have two son 9 yrs and 4 yrs. Recently I govt job as residential superintendent in children home. This job 24 hrs. My residents is above my office I have 5 females staff during some time my doubt me and doubt not to talk with any ladies but it’s my office to their phone and supported to during duty. But don’t like and Daily irritated me and speak you have like. My love my wife very much and give time to her and children. I try to her and Understand the my duty their also support me. But refuse their suggestions. Suggest Me how to clear to her doubt.

You should talk to her and understand her that why is she feeling that way, is she because of the current situation or somethings has happened in the past which has lead to this problem. Many times we tend to carry past baggage in the present situation. It is essential that you talk to her openly and try to understand her point of view. You should also try to understand her expectations, you might that you are giving her but she might have a different expectation. You both should focus more on quality of time rather than quantity of time. You should make her understand that there is nothing to worry about. You should make her feel special and should spend time with her. If you feel that she is not listening to you then you should seek some professional help.

Q32. Me and my husband are only earners in a family of 7 persons. But the family persons did not value us. We are unable to make savings due to extra and unnecessary expenditures done by my in laws on relatives & on daily basis. This behaviour of them is creating frustation & depression in me resulting conflicts with my husband.Please suggest

See it is essential that you save something for the future too. It is important that you talk to your husband about the same as it reduce the silent conflicts. You should make your husband the how important it is and tell him that he makes his family understand about it. If you feel that he is not understanding and is reluctant to tell his family. Then you should start saving your own money. Like you can tell him that if he doesn’t want to, then you can save some money depending upon how much you can do so.

Q33. I’m a 23 year old boy by best friend made pressure over me that I became his partner as a gay but I’m not a gay and I can’t do it. I’m uncomfortable with him when I meet him but I can’t lost his friendship ,what I do for to save our friendship ?

If you’re uncomfortable then it is very important that you tell him openly. Just because we love someone doesn’t mean that we will do things that makes us uncomfortable. It is important that you understand that if they really love us they wont let us do things that are make us uncomfortable. If he is your true friend then he will always be around despite what you. Just to make someone else happy doesn’t mean that you’ll deal with anything and everything. You don’t have to be someone you’re not. This will only affect you more. So tell him what you feel and I am sure he will understand and if he doesn’t understand that means he is not your true friend.

Q34. Mera partner mujhpe vishwash nahi karta hai, vo chahta hai ki mai sabhi ldko se dur rahu, mere bhai ko bhi usne meri id se block kar diya hai. usko lagta hai ki m uski feeling nhi samjh rahi hoon, par m andar se kitni toot chuki hu is sab se iska voh dhyan nhi de rha. m bhi usko apni feeling express karna chati hu kuch upay bataye.

You partner could be paranoid that is why he is behaving like this. It is very important that you express your feelings to him. You will have to sit with in a calm environment and express to him things that are bothering you. It is very important that you become very assertive towards him and communicate him your feelings.It is very important if you feel that he doesn’t understand you then you can seek professional help as it will help understanding each other better. It is becomes very essential if you are planning to get married to him. It becomes all the more important that you talk to him and check your compatibility as well.

Q35. Meri Shaadi ko 20 saal ho chuke h. Even I’m not satisfied with the behavior of my husband. Wo apni economic condition k baare mein kabhi baat nhi karte .na hi puch ne par jawab dete h. I’m a working woman. Ghar Meri hi salary se chalta h. Bachon ke bhi sabhi expenditure Meri responsibility h. We don’t have physical relationship from last one year. I don’t know what should I do. Should I leave him.

Firstly you need to understand that your husband is actually having emotional problems and it seems that there are some compatibility issue between you both. It is very important that you seek professional help as he is not expressive and he might not tell you what is bothering him. But you can make efforts by talking to him and you should also think about factors such as whether you have a house or are you staying on rent, it is essential that you focus on the finances as well.Try to ensure that you are not giving him money to spend on things which are not required. Try to calmly ask him about things that are bothering you.

Q36. 3 saal pehle meri sagaai ho gai thi.. fir. Baad me ek ladka meri life me aaya or me usko love krne lgi vo bhi mujhe krta hai .. ab problm hai ki jisse sagai kr rkhi hai usko me except nhi kr pa rhi or vo bhi mujhe except nhi kr paega to ab me kya kru sagai tor du ya wqt k sath sab thik ho jaega …

See there are a lot of factors that you need to keep in mind to ensure that you don’t take a wrong decision or take a decision in hurry. Firstly it is essentially that yo align you heart and head. You need to see and understand that whether your family will accept your current choice or not. You need to see that whom are you compatible with and who understand you better. It is essential that while taking a decision you keep in mind the finances as well. You need to see who is the person who understand you the best and understands you better. No matter what your decision you need see what your family thinks and feels about it. You need to also feel that whether you’ll be able to go against your family if required. In starting every relationship feels like a honeymoon phase. You need to understand and see with whom are able to communicate best with.

Q37. मेरी शादी 8 महीने पहले हुई थी। लेकिन रिश्ते मजबूत नही हो पा रहे हैं, मेरी पत्नी मुझ पर इसलिए विश्वाश नही करती क्योंकि सोशल नेटवर्क पर काफी लोग मेरे फॉलोवर्स है,और वो कहती है मै किसी और लड़कियों से बात करता हूं, जबकि मेरे पास इतना टाइम नहीं कि मैं किसी ओर से बात करूं और उसके घर वाले बहुत कम ससुराल आने देते हैं, और सोशल नेटवर्क पर किसी का भी शायरी या कोई रिस्ते सम्बंदित पोस्ट को देख कर वेसे अपने मन बना लेते है वो। मैं काम मे ध्यान नही दे पा रहा।

Trust is the foundation of every relationship without which no relationship can survive. Many times due to some bad experience in the past it shapes our behavior in the future. It is essential that at your end you spend time with her and try to make her feel special and loved. See many times also when a person is not working the person tends to get negative thoughts. You can ask her to engage in some physical activity and also engage in activities that she enjoys.Try to acknowledge the small efforts that she makes for you and also try to do activities together with her so you can also learn to communicate better and also your compatibility increases.

Q38. I’m in relationship from past 4 years but as I asked my partner about marriage. He said that if my mom is ready then I’ll do marriage otherwise I’ll end it.I mean to say that he’s not giving any surety of it.As we belong to different caste & his mother is not ready for intercaste marriage & my partner is asking for some more time(4 years more)& after that also if his mother will not be convinced then he’ll end it at that time. Please suggest me what to do in this case.

See it is all your decision, the fact that if you think that if you continue for this relationship for next 4 years and then it doesn’t work out, you will be able to deal with the fact that you are not getting married to him. Anyway he is very clear if his mom doesn’t agree so he will not get married to you.Maybe you can tell him to give a hint to his mother about the same at least you will get some vague idea about the same. You need to see things for yourself as well like he is doing. His priority is his mother so he wont do anything which she she doesn’t agree to.So you should just think from the standpoint that if his mother doesn’t agree after 4 years then you should be able to move forward.Don’t just run after marrying him but also first see how is your relationship going on and whether you both are compatible or not. Try to check your understanding level and then think about getting married.

Q39. हमारी शादी को 23 वर्ष से ज्यादा समय हो गया है। दो बेटे हैं। मेरी उम्र 52 साल और पतनी की उम्र 44 साल है। समस्या ये कि पत्नी अधिक से अधिक मेरा समीप्य चाहती है । मुझे उसकी समीपता ज्यादा देर तक नहीं सुहाती है। वो घूमने की शौकीन है और मुझे कहीं आना जाना अच्छा नहीं लगता है। मैं वेहद सफाई पसंद हूं जबकि पत्नी स्वच्छता को उतना महत्व नहीं देती है। उसको तमाम चीजें, करीने से जमा करने की आदत नहीं है। वह अंधविश्वासी होकर चमत्कारों में विश्वास करती है। इन मुदों पर हमारी अक्सर टकराहट होती रहती है। मैं क्या करूं?

I feel it is compatible issue that you both have. You both are very different which is normal.No two persons can be alike but then it is very important that you try to find a common path. If you don’t like to go out and she likes to maybe you can find middle way where sometimes you can go and sometimes you can skip the same. You should spend quality time together she might want to spend time with you and wants to share things things with you. So it becomes essential that you spend time together and try to do things together. Don’t go by quantity but go by quality. You should try to spend 30 minutes together daily so that you become better at communicating. You need to accept each other and say you don’t like that she doesn’t keep the cleanliness so you can do the same and let her do things the way she wants to.

Q40. I m a 23 years old girl.i m in a relationship with a guy.we love each other very much and he love me genuinely but sometimes he gets upset because of not being physically intimate.he never forces me for this but I know by his talks that it is a big issue.there is all good in our relationship we truly love and respect each other but I don’t know how to deal with this situation.kindly guide me

See if you think that he loves and you do the same then the biggest thing is that he should respect your decisions. It becomes very important for you to understand that whether it is his primary need or secondary need because many times if its person’s primary need then there are chances that person might look for such things outside relationship. If you think that you don’t want to be physically intimate then it is your choice and you should very clearly talk to him as well. You can be very upfront with him about it and ask him whether it is bothering him or not. You can tell him what is bothering you and he should be very vocal about it rather than trying to say it in different situations. Many times it could be in your mind as well as you told him you don’t want to physically active so you think he might be upset about it. It could also be that you’re thinking about it but he doesn’t mean that way. Communication is very essential for every relationship so be clear with him about your feeling and also try to understand and listen to patiently.

Q41. My wife is very talkative infront of other males, Now a days a male ,about 29 years old 6 years younger than her, always talk with her all the time, and massage her over watsapp, even sought of her very rudely when she reply her, he is very aggressive and psycho, my wife reply him very friendly manner, inspite of ignoring him she always reply him very softly, if I talk about this behave she angry on me and say nothing is wrong here I just make him understand him, don’t worry, I don’t understand her behavior please guide me.

One thing I would clearly like to point out is that the behavior she is doing is not very normal. It is very evident that your wife is emotionally connected as well as attached with the person. This is why despite his behavior she tries to talk to him. There is no doubt that she does have a soft corner and they are surely being extra friendly with each other. It is very important that you take a stand for yourself and very clearly tell her that you don’t like her talking to that friend. It is not necessary that she has to talk to her friend on daily basis. You should sit with her and talk to her about the same so that you can better understand her and get you know each other better. You should talk to her openly and be assertive in what you feel.

Q42. Mai apni gf ke purane 2 risto ko leke pareshn rhta hu jbki ab wo sirf mere sath hai fir v uske physical relation ko leke sochta rhta hu jisse mera intrest kam hota ja rh usse plz help kraiye

I feel everyone has a past and I am sure you must also have had one. If you think your girlfriend loves you now and is loyal to you then it no makes no sense that you let your past affect your present. You need to move forward and not let what has already gone affect you in present. You must spend time with her and get to know her better rather than thinking what all she has done. It is very important to build trust in your relationship you need believe that she loves and without trust your relationship will fall out soon. So focus on the positive parts and don’t dwell on the negative aspect. The only problem here are your thoughts, so think positively and optimistically.

Q43. M 5 sal se Rishtey m hu….2 sal k bad meri partner kisi se attract hone .Wo Insan hmari life se chala gaya pr uske baad m partner ko emotionally abuse krne laga. jb mene apni galti smjhti tk tk sb kharab hogaya.Uska khna h feelings puri khatm hogai h or mujhe aapse koi rishta nhi rakhna. Kya koi rishtaa pura barbaad hoke k fir se achhe ho sktaa h ya ye sirf Dil Ko tasali ki baat h ???

I am sure that you are already aware that breaking relationship is easy but mending them is difficult. You relationship can be mended but then it requires a lot of handwork at your end. You have to ensure that you ignore all her negatives and just focus on the positives. In building your relationship back you have to put in a lot of hardwork. You have to work on futuristic aspect and think and imagine about you guys being together. Ensure that you fill your relationship with love, care, affection, appreciation, love and respect.

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