Emotional abuse is a regular pattern of threat, constant criticism, and manipulation to control and suppress the other person. It doesn’t always lead to physical abuse but is equally harmful as Physical Abuse. It is highly damaging to your self-esteem and confidence. Any relationship can be emotionally abusive, like parent-child, siblings, friendship, intimate relationship (boyfriend-girlfriend) and husband-wife relationships. 

The most common emotionally abusive relationship is between husband and wife. Sometimes, for years, a victim person doesn’t see ill-treatment as abuse. The victim person lives in denial to deal with Stress, and this causes the individual further severe Emotional Trauma, Depression, Anxiety and Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. Abusive People have their own set of insecurities. They don’t know how to have positive, healthy relationships. They mostly feel hurt, angry and powerless. Most abusers have different personality disorders like Borderline Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder, Etc.

If you face a few of the following behaviours, you need professional help, and there’s a possibility of an emotionally abusive relationship: The person feels extreme possessiveness or constant jealousy. They would like to control all aspects of your life and, through threats or violence, try to assert dominance over you. Small arguments tend to escalate physical abuse between both of you over the day-to-day conversations, and due to their manipulation tactics, you start justifying the abuse and start believing you’re the problem.

In the initial relationship, a person keeps pressurizing for immediate commitment. Person demeans you, your achievements, your hopes and dreams. The person makes you feel that you’re always mistaken and whatever decisions you made are wrong. Whatever you do, it’s never enough and suitable for the person. They neglect you to punish you and may have unrealistic expectations.

It’s good if a couple spends quality time together, but the problem starts when the person (your spouse) isolates you from family and friends. Even a person has a problem with whatever they do with their spare time or to make themselves happy like exercise, car, phone, Family, Friends. The person won’t accept their faults and blames you or others. They play the victim and blame you for everything, like their problems, failures and unhappiness. They always point out flaws in you and your weaknesses. They rarely say sorry.

The person primarily disregards your opinion, needs and ideas and always expects you to serve and obey. They may try to control you and want you to take permission to make decisions or go out somewhere. They may try to manage their finances like how you spend money.

The person keeps criticizing you, using vulnerable points about your past, and making you feel bad about yourself. They may humiliate you and put you down. They may call you names, lie to you, and make fun of you in front of others. They may use negative remarks to frighten you but won’t take others laughing at them.

The person may have sudden mood swings. They may not show empathy and are mostly emotionally unavailable. They don’t care about your feelings. They may deny their behaviour whenever confronted. A person is never happy; whatever you do, you go out of your way to make the person happy. To keep the peace in the relationship, you may stay silent whenever you are angry. A person is cruel to others, especially children and animals, and may have a history of hitting. A person manipulates you through unwanted sex or may deny sex to manage and control you.

If you are facing such issues, the first thing is that verbal abuse is a choice, and you have to accept that it’s happening to you. You have to identify the patterns of controlling behaviour abusers use and accept the responsibility for your behaviour, start taking steps to overcome it, and finally approach us for professional help. As a relationship/marriage counsellor, Dr Nisha Khanna provides online, telephone, and face-to-face counselling services. If you live in Delhi, India or any other part of the World, you can approach us through any of these mediums. For further details, visit Bye Tense or call us at +91-9818211474