Everything in life requires boundaries, whether it’s Marriage, Country, Family or Friends, and it’s important to communicate those boundaries with people as well. Boundaries indicate limitations, guidelines and rules that individuals make for others to recognise safe and acceptable ways of communicating with them. It also ensures how they would respond if the line crosses. Some examples of Personal Boundaries are that I am okay with meeting for a coffee but not with your personal touch and sarcasm. These rules are constructed upon a mixture of Beliefs, Opinions, Past Attitudes, Experiences, and Social Learning.

Boundaries enhance self-esteem and confidence. It is a form of self-care and empowers the person. It gives the feeling of independence and space. It creates realistic expectations and makes a person feel safe and secure. It helps to build a long-lasting healthy relationship. Without boundaries, chances are of over-commitment. A person may get into conflict with a personal value system. Chances of conflicts are higher with others. People may spend their time and energy with the wrong people. When others mistreat, the person may show anger and resentment towards them. Boundaries make people feel stress-free and less Anxious and nourish their hearts, mind and soul.

There are 5 Types of Boundaries: –

Physical Boundaries are the limitations a person sets regarding body, privacy, and personal space. For example, I don’t like it at all and find your sexual comments funny.

An emotional Boundary is an imaginary line that segregates a person from others. For instance, I am not okay with unsolicited suggestions. They help you by stopping you from giving advice, blaming, or accepting blame. It shields you from guilt for someone else’s negative feelings or problems. Another example, I am not comfortable sharing my issues with you.

Mental Boundaries are a person’s thoughts, belief systems, values and opinions. We all have the right and freedom to form our point of view about things, but it is possible that other people don’t look through the same glass as ours. Thus, boundaries help protect while accepting other people’s opinions. For example, I respect your opinion, but you have no right to force your opinion on me.

Time/ Energy Boundaries are about understanding personal priorities and setting time aside for other areas without over-committing. When people know what is important to them, it becomes easier to limit the time they give to other people. For instance, if I know I am loaded with a workload with a deadline, I may not invite friends to party and go out.

Material Boundaries are formed around the things a person owns. It describes what people share and with whom. For example, I may lend a car to a friend who requires it for some emergency or family use, but probably not to someone I don’t know personally.

STEPS TO CREATE BOUNDARIES: –

Step 1: Limit the things you don’t want to hear, see, or do. For example, I will not tolerate you will force me to listen to your dirty jokes.

Step 2: Determine the things that are allowed and non-negotiable for you. For example, I will not let you manhandle me.

Step 3: Observe other people’s reactions; if they become mad due to your boundaries, the probability of abusing you is higher. For example, spending ‘Me Time’ alone makes other people unhappy; chances are more that person might be exploiting you.

Step 4: Be authentic, communicate the Difference of Opinion and validate your emotions. Be upfront. To have your thoughts, feelings and needs, and you have the right to express them openly.

Step 5: Without feeling Guilty, Say No. I think you did the best of your ability and Calibre. Accept your limitations about what good you can and can’t do too. If a person loves you, they will quickly give you space and won’t hurt you n get angry over you by creating a boundary.

Dr Nisha Khanna, a leading Mental Healthcare Professional, Psychologist, Relationship Counsellor, and Marriage and Family Counsellor, proffers online, telephonically and face-to-face Counselling Services in Delhi. Suppose you live in Delhi, India or any other part of the World. In that case, you can approach us online (Via audio or Video Calls) and offline (in the clinic) mediums for any issues related to relationships and abuse. For further details, visit Bye Tense, or call us at +91-9818211474