An individual shuts down in a relationship when a person tends to decline to communicate or cooperate altogether. Stonewalling can happen because one of the partners often likes to take time off to clear their mind. Some partners are very aggressive when disagreements arise; they want to talk, and sort matters out immediately. But on the other hand, some people like to take their space to process and understand the situation. The person who does shut down or engages in stonewalling becomes emotionally charged and tries to reduce the tension by withdrawing themselves from the situation. These people are generally avoidant by personality.

Although silent treatment can have many catastrophic effects on your relationship, it is essential to understand that the most important thing is to clarify the situation and communicate about the problem immediately or after a certain point. Individuals tend to have different ways of perceiving a particular situation; thus, how they react to a problem will be completely different. Some people feel their partner won’t be receptive to their feelings and emotions. In contrast, others think that stonewalling is a manipulative technique through which, rather than communicating, people might resort to giving silent treatment. One of the main reasons this occurs is because when an individual feels that their partner won’t understand their feelings, they start to keep things to themselves rather than express themselves.

Stonewalling or Shutting down is considered a form of fight-or-flight response and can create feelings of desertion in the relationship. Whether intended or not, it shows that your partner is not worth responding to. If your partner shuts down, below are specific ways to help you deal with the situation, as it is a silent killer to the relationship.

Ways to overcome Stonewalling/ Silent Treatment :

1. Stay Calm

It is natural that when one partner shuts down, the other person is bound to be anxious. Understanding and realizing the intention behind such behaviour is essential. Both partners need to know whether this method is effective while negotiating.

2. Apologize and Communicate

When a person disregards the presence and speech of the other person, the message it sends is that the other person is not very important. Thus, expressing yourself or your partner about the situation to them is essential even after a certain time lapse.

Communicating is just not enough; positive communication is a significant aspect. It becomes essential that people use more positive words and “I” language while communicating so that the blame game doesn’t start.

3. Support and Empathy

When our partner shuts down, we often get frustrated and persuade them to talk. Such behaviour doesn’t convey that you support your partner. Instead, you can show your love and support by giving them space and opportunity to come back and talk whenever they are ready rather than shutting them out.

4. Focus on Yourself

Even though shutting down makes the other person feel unloved and can create a feeling of rejection, the person might wonder about their value. But if your partner engages in stonewalling, keeping their behaviour and feelings towards you separate is essential. When your partner gives you silent treatments, remember that their need to take a break has nothing to do with your value in their life.

5. Set time

A relationship can only work with communication. No matter what an individual feels, it becomes necessary to share those feelings. If the couple feels they need to take specific time off, make sure you can set a particular time limit. The couple should take 2-3 hours of the time limit.

6. Hopelessness

Many people engage in such behaviour due to feelings of powerlessness and low self-esteem. In many situations, people feel hopeless in their relationships and believe the problem cannot be dealt with more refinedly. When an individual thinks that there is nothing left in a relationship, the person is more likely to engage in such an act.

7. Physical Activity

It is most likely that the person who engages in stonewalling is naturally avoidant and likes to suppress most of the feelings or may not be aware of his suppressed anger. It becomes essential for the person giving the silent treatment to engage in physical or creative activity to channel the suppressed emotion. The person at the receiving end should focus on themselves and engage in some activities of their choice.

8. Self-talk and self-soothing

Self-talk is another way to keep your mind stress-free and calm. Remembering that things will be fine and that this situation will end soon is essential. People should also find ways to navigate their emotions by keeping an optimistic mind and viewing things encouragingly.

As a relationship Counsellor/marriage Counsellor, Dr Nisha Khanna proffers online, telephonically, and through face-to-face counselling services. If you live in Delhi, India or any other part of the World, you can approach us through any of these mediums. For further details, visit Bye Tense or call us at +91-9312730331