This is the case of Mr Veer Malhotra (23), who was going through depression. He came to us for an individual counseling session. He was timid by nature and had very few friends. He started liking one of his classmates during the first year of his graduation in Mechanical Engineering. The friendship grew more substantial, and his feelings for her developed. When he confronted her about the feelings, she claimed to like someone else.

She disrespected and mocked him for misunderstanding the friendship and having such feelings. She even compared him with her boyfriend and told him he was nowhere better than him. He took her negative remarks very deeply, making him feel unworthy. Her words constantly budged in his head and shook his confidence badly. He felt disgusted and couldn’t do things he liked; even the most straightforward tasks took time. This impacted his self-esteem in the worst manner. He avoided his friends and manifested depressive symptoms. He was unable to face reality and became hopeless in finding a partner.

During the counselling sessions, we learned that his childhood was quite disciplined. His father was serving in the army and wanted him to join, while his mother was a homemaker and very soft-spoken by nature. His father was quite dominating, and nobody at home had much to say about his decisions. He was more than an average student but very much disinterested in the army. He was not very disciplined and was frequently scolded and beaten up for getting fewer marks or for his naughty behavior.

He is quite creative and has an interest in art. He loves to make sketches and paintings in his free time. Lately, however, due to his workload in engineering, he has also been unable to enjoy his hobby. It was quite evident that he was isolating himself and focusing on the negative things. He had the potential to do this, but as his self-esteem got scarred, it became difficult for him to see the brighter side.

Through individual counseling, we helped him understand what he was going through. Due to his rejection, he wasn’t able to focus on anything, just trying to engage in work as a form of escapism. We assisted him in building up his self-esteem by creating a routine where he rightly maintains a work-life balance and also suggested spending some individual time indulging in his hobbies.

He was also asked not to sit alone, doing nothing. We made him socialize with friends and family, especially whenever he was feeling alone or upset. He claimed to be closer to his mother; we advised him to share things and open up to her. Last but not least, he was also made to focus on creating happy moments for a lifetime by harvesting quality time with people he likes rather than ruminating on what happened in the past.

After 5-7 sessions, he has been able to concentrate on his work, started thinking positively, and have healthy interactions with others. He took control of his life in his hands to the extent that her absence stopped bothering him. He also realized his importance and self-worth.

Read: Why do we keep going back to familiar relationships?

Dr. Nisha Khanna, as a Psychologist/Depression Counsellor, proffers online, telephonically, and face-to-face Counselling Services. If you live in Delhi, India, or any other part of the World, you can approach us through any of these mediums. For further details, visit Bye Tense or call us at +91-9312730331