In 1944 a movie named Gaslight was released, where a wife got exploited by her husband into believing that she was mentally sick as he dimmed gas – fuelled lights and told her that she was hallucinating and the word Gaslighting originated. Gaslighting means making the other person believe wrong things by tricking or controlling them and not being lesser than psychological abuse. It makes the other person doubt their reality, thoughts and beliefs. It is just like playing with the mind of another person. Gaslighting a person is just like making the victim feel crazy. It is abusive mental manipulation which involves psychological dynamics.

Gaslighting happens due to a power imbalance in relationships and social interactions. Gaslighting is often done in daily life but never really witnessed or understood. It often confuses reality and judgement. Gaslighting makes you second-guess everything, your perception, memory and even your decisions. It can confuse people so far that they can question their decisions and mental health. A person may wonder and doubt after communicating with someone gaslighting him. People who gaslight are good at lying and primarily discredit you, deny any wrongdoing, blame you for everything and belittle your thoughts and feelings.

A primary cause of gaslighting is the urge of the other person to gain control over someone they want to gaslight. This behaviour is often observed in abusive people with narcissistic personality disorder and is one of the root causes of gaslighting. Narcissists often lack empathy, are self-centred and feel entitled to control or direct the other person.

Gaslighting is often said to be consequential in unequal intimate relationships, which creates an environment for surrealists. Gaslighting Techniques are used unconsciously or consciously by making them doubt their memory of an event. Withholding is another technique where the person might try to avoid having a conversation or even engage in one by telling them they are paranoid. Trivialization happens when the person makes the victim’s needs and feelings seem unimportant and accuse them of being highly sensitive or dramatic. Denial occurs when the person lives in denial, claims everything the victim says as false and accuses them of making up things. Diverting happens when the gaslights often deny the credibility of an event and hinder the focus of discussion by telling the victim that this might be another bonkers idea of your friend.

A person who bears gaslighting may find themselves sceptical, unable to take decisions and often seen questioning themselves over emotional aspects. The victim defends the abusive person’s behaviour and apologizes to the abuser. They even become socially withdrawn. They are often seen making excuses for the abuser and end up feeling unworthy, hopeless and incompetent.

Long-term exposure to this abusive pattern causes mental traumas, anxiety and sometimes worse, depression. Professional counselling oneself or even seeking professional Psychologist help can make you better understand and be self-aware of the situation. Keeping a fact check and gathering evidence to assure that the person is unimagining things also helps the person if they decide to pursue legal action against the abuser. Being in touch with your trusted loved ones also helps to gain an outside perspective on your situation. There is a need to set boundaries and save yourself from befalling a victim of trivializing and other gaslighting techniques. If someone frequently gaslights you, ending the bond or relationship with that person can be the most effective way to end the abuse.

Always be kind to yourself and never blame yourself for the situation, as gaslighters choose to behave that way and are responsible for the action. So be loving and caring to yourself.

Dr Nisha Khanna is a Qualified Mental Health Professional working as a Senior Consultant – Counselling Psychologist who proffers Online, Telephonically and Face-to-Face Counselling Services. If you live in Delhi, India or any other part of the World, you can approach her through any of these mediums. For details, visit Dr Nisha Khanna or call us at +91-9818211474