Throughout our life, we have been taught that honesty is the best policy, but in reality, we face a situation where we can’t be honest all the time. It is true that we all are many times tied in situations where we do not have any option left, but to distort the facts. Each individual before engaging in such behaviour should apply consequential thinking for their action. Even though not every lie is hurtful; the unethical behaviour may have its effects. Consider a scenario where your wife makes dinner for you, which doesn’t turn out to be too well, what you are most likely to do in such a situation? The fact is quite obvious that we can’t always be honest with your spouse, due to various reasons such as the point that we don’t want to be non-appreciative towards our partner or hurt them by any means.

While many husbands and wives consider trickiness a good idea under certain conditions but the fact is that marriages are ruined by dishonesty, not by honesty. Although some relationships are not completely honest with each other, it is essential to understand the reason and the intention behind such behaviour.  The fact is that everyone wants to build a solid relationship and they also make efforts to grow together. In simple terms, honesty is considered to be an essence of every relationship but being too honest can jeopardize your relationship. Being honest about things such as “She needs to know she’s too fat to turn me on anymore”. It’s the truth. “But the fact is whether it will motivate her or not, it will surely create a friction between the two”.

Many times even truths shared in a genuine effort to unburden one soul may simply pass along the pain to the other. For example, in a situation where your spouse might be very honest about having feelings for someone else, this honestly will not bring you closer rather will make you grow apart. What is the point of such honesty where every person gets tied in the vicious circle of being hurt?

If you are being dishonest in a relationship, so before engaging in such an act you should think about the pros and cons, following it and comprehend the differences. Small petty fictions can still help you work through your relationship but it is important to know the expectations of your partner, especially when your partner hates lies. Such a scenario even a small bundle of lies can create a negative image of you in your partner’s eye or cause a rift between both of you.

If a person is stuck in such a series of events, it is also the duty of the (other) counterpart to understand the root cause behind those actions. Example, due to the past conflicts, if the wife is avoiding to meet the in-laws and making excuses for the same, in this particular case it is the duty of the husband to identify the reason and empathise with her and handle the scenario in a neutral way. Even dedicated couples keep some secrets that are a pure expression of love. She tells him he’s a great cook because this deception makes him happy; or he fabricates and appreciates her for the gift she gave, even if he doesn’t like it and knows he won’t use it. In the end, the relationship requires an equilibrium between openness and gentleness. There will be various instances where you trip but as you grow closer to each other, it is important to understand that if you say it all it can do some damage. It all depends on how your partner understands you, to what extent your intellect or compatibility matches with each other.

Dr Nisha Khanna as a Relationship/Marriage Counsellor proffers online, telephonically and face to face Counselling Services. If you are living in Delhi, India or any other part of the World, you can approach us through any of these mediums. For further details visit Bye Tense, or call us at +91-9312730331