This story is about a girl whose family and surrounding people have misunderstood her and assumed specific behaviour which was not at all part of her personality. So we get to learn from this story how a lack of trust can spoil relationships. If we have doubts about the people in our surroundings the best way out is to sit talk and discuss the issue. Give the person a chance to clarify your doubts.

Pooja, a 27yr old girl belonged to a Conservative Upper-Class Haryanvi family. She lived with her parents and older brother. Her parents were self-made people and had a love marriage. They didn’t give much importance to education despite their children especially Pooja being more academically inclined. She did exceptionally well in her academics and aspired to be an engineer someday. But the parents laid more emphasis on saving money for her marriage than investing it in her future. They were against her pursuing a career and rather wanted her to get married and have a family.

Belonging to an orthodox family she never got a chance to study in a co-ed school or college yet managed to convince them to go for further studies and went to University to chase her dreams. She had faced hardships all her life due to insecurity and gender inequality which was considered quite normal in her family. At the University it was a different experience altogether as she made friends with the opposite sex, explored new things and made unforgettable memories.

She had healthy relationships with everyone but was not romantically involved with anyone. Everything was going fine until her brother started doubting her actions and character due to his insecurity and sibling rivalry. He even intended to brainwash the parents and was quite successful in it. The parents believed the brother and house arrested Pooja on numerous occasions. She wasn’t allowed to leave the house and was mentally and physically tortured. She became so disturbed that she started lying to her family and used to visit gurudwaras to find solace. She would sit there for hours thinking about her miserable life and praying n hoping for a bright future.

Fed up with the family’s behaviour she decided to elope from her house with the help of a lawyer friend Pritam who belonged to a lower economic strata. She managed to escape only to know that Pritam had something else in mind. Pritam saw it as an opportunity to marry her and make his life better. He used to borrow money from people. Pritam convinced her to marry him and Pooja thought she was saving him legally by doing so as Pritam helped her to sneak off.

Pooja was unaware of his financial instability and his lack of willingness to earn. He expected her to bear all the expenses and at the same time perform the household chores by herself. She not only supported him but his family as well. He started to hit and belittle her and found faults in whatever she did. He tortured her to the extent that she faced a miscarriage due to high levels of stress. She went through the same hell of Physical and Emotional Abuse as she had gone through previously. She first came for counselling for Depression due to Domestic Violence. One day, Pritam beat her up in a fit of rage to the extent that she had 7 stitches over the forehead. However, she gathered the courage to step out of the abusive relationship and started to live her life again.

She didn’t meet her family very often but tried to remain in touch with them. She also started working in an MNC and felt more stable and at peace. Though her colleagues found her to be a little weird as she didn’t reciprocate the feelings initiated by them so they got frustrated quite often. After some time people started cutting Pooja off and labelled her as a Lesbian. She then again felt the need to seek help and came for counselling sessions with us where she identified herself as Asexual. It was very difficult for the family and friends to understand all this as they never thought about this in their wildest dreams.

Through this case, we would like to highlight the importance of accepting Individuality. Parents and family should accept their children for who they are and not misunderstand them. They should not doubt kids and impose themselves n their notions directly over them. The family should practice sitting calmly with the child and discuss maturely to clarify their Paranoid Traits to develop the right Understanding and let the kid do so what they want especially something constructive or creative. It’s important to balance criticisms with acknowledgements of things kids are already doing well.

Read: Reading Into Relationships

Dr Nisha Khanna as a Psychologist/Counsellor proffers online, telephonically and face-to-face Counselling Services. If you are in Delhi, India or any other part of the World, you can approach us through any of these mediums. For further, visit Bye Tense, or call us at +91-9312730331