Are you in a relationship or getting married? Are you thinking of live-in? Are you having a love marriage or arranged marriage? There is a need to talk and discuss before plight your troth. A couple initially easily gets caught up in the small joys, goodness and freshness of the relationship. It neglects the opportunity to examine their beliefs, expectations, and realities regarding the life ahead.

A premarital Counselor helps a couple identify the strengths and weaknesses of a relationship. Pre-marriage Counselling aids in building resilience to have a long-lasting relationship. Following points that you will keep in mind during the pre-marriage counselling sessions:-

1. Communication

Disclosure is vital in any relationship. Communication is not about verbal or what you say. It is also about how you convey. Tone, gestures, facial expressions, postures, body language and eye contact; are part of 70-93% of non-verbal communication. Being able to communicate openly with your partner is required, apart from how you communicate matters more. Empathy and self-disclosure skills are indispensable to building a happy, satisfying, healthy and successful relationship. The person can put oneself in the shoes of the other and communicate more honestly and openly.

2. Setting Realistic Expectations

Most of us have a blueprint of how our fiancé’ will be, and our future will be. We often miss acknowledging that our partner has their own beliefs. Openly discussing expectations from the relationship help to differentiate between realistic and unrealistic expectations during premarital counselling sessions. 

3. Compatibility

Compatibility is the key to a life-long partnership. Believe it or not, it is more important than love alone. There may be huge differences between you and your partner, but that does not necessarily mean you are incompatible with your partner. Compatibility in a relationship ideally means understanding and acceptability of each other’s life philosophy and goals like interests, likings, trust and respect. Premarital counsellors help out to address such concerns.

4. Financial Management

Couples often quarrel over Money. It is best to discuss this topic before saying yes. It is necessary to discuss salaries, expenditure and saving styles, investments and other financial management areas. Whether the couple would like to maintain a joint or independent account? Would they prefer to join investment, property and businesses that need discussion? It is salient to discuss this during pre-marriage Counselling.

5. Sex and Intimacy

To have physical and emotional intimacy, happy and healthy sex is foremost. Each partner may have preferences on sex and intimacy, frequency and differences in sexual preferences, postures, and a difference of opinion about an intimate evening. Discussing sex in relationship counselling opens doors to how you would like to communicate sexually. 

6. In-Laws

Some say that I am not living with your family for a lifetime. In India relationship means not about two people. The relationship is about families, n lives are closely woven together with family as long as your in-laws are in the same house. The sooner you learn to love and accept your spouse and family as your own, the better. Your relationship will be a blessing. 

7. Conflict Resolution

Arguments and disagreements are bound to happen, but how you talk and act during and after them can affect your relationship. So you must ensure that both of you understand each other and discuss how you plan to deal with conflicts before they happen. Keeping calm and focused during tough times is the key to a happy relationship. Premarital Counselling assists in assertiveness and adopting the best coping strategies to resolve conflicts.

8. Defining Roles

Do not we all want to feel safe, validated, respected and appreciated and have our privacy and needs met in a relationship? Is it correct if I say that we all understand our rights? Knowing our duties like balancing work and family life, parents and in-laws, contributing to household work, and your spouse and children are around. Premarital Counseling explains to balance our rights and duties to achieve a harmonious relationship.

9. Making Peace with the Past for a Better Future

We are all products of our experiences, circumstances, and environment. Our beliefs, ideas, and perceptions about many aspects of life are due to being born n brought up and cultural backgrounds. It is important to discuss our past issues and insecurities as they may, in the future, impact our relationship. Also, it is crucial to be aware of potential problems and how to deal with them. Premarital counselling delves deep into your beliefs and opinions, understands the concerns, and corrects them if necessary. 

10. Setting Boundaries in a Relationship

Boundaries are basic guidelines that you create to establish how others can behave. Setting boundaries ensures that a relationship is mutually considerate, gracious and apt. Boundaries can be physical (PDA), emotional (blaming others for your problems) and mental (imposing opinion). While communicating boundaries, express what you are comfortable with and are not. And since a relationship is a two-way street where you like your boundaries to get honoured, it is prime to listen to your spouse’s boundaries. The aim is to communicate your boundaries to your partner with compassion, understanding and respect for expectations.

Read: Bizarre world of failed marriages

Dr Nisha Khanna as a Relationship Expert, Pre-marriage Counsellor and Certified Couple Facilitator, proffers online, telephonically and face-to-face Counselling Services. If you live in Delhi, India or any other part of the World, you can approach us through any of these mediums. For further details, visit Dr Nisha Khanna, or call us at +91-9818211474